I went to my brother’s funeral service this weekend. It was a time of remembrance, and a time of the spoken word. They are not always the same story. It was a time of healing of old wounds, and a time to pick at the scars or scabs, it was a time of reflection of the person, and a time to reflect on others, and words not said, actions not taken.

It was a time for Ecclesiastes 3:1-8, or maybe listen to the Byrds, “Turn, Turn, Turn”.

Mostly it was an ending. We are left with our memories, some resolved, and pleasant. Some unresolved, with hurt and frustration mixed up with grief. So it is with families everywhere.

There is a skill set known as “dealing with cognitive dissonance”. It may not be a useful skill set. In some ways it gets you through the day, through the immediate conflict. But like a cheap bandaid, it falls away in time, exposing the wound created. We are a bag of skin, with broken sharp objects inside.

The purpose of life for some Jewish scholars, is to “repair the world”. Because it is rent and torn in so many ways, and on so many levels. It is worth the time, while alive, to ponder the damage done in our lives. To take responsibility, and to give grace. Both sides of the coin held by those still alive.

And then there will be an ending, and an accounting… possibly with words unsaid, and actions not taken.