The Great Kosher Chicken Prank

There was a time when we would seek out kosher chicken from the butcher, not Safeway. There was probably not much difference in the quality of the meat, the Safeway chicken had the label kosher so my guess is that it’s death was humane. But the butcher variety came with all the extras necessary for the various side products needing “”schmaltz”, the secret ingredient of Jewish health food. The various sweet meats, the scrawny neck bones, and the slightly scary chicken feet. Everything tucked away in the carcass of the bird. Like a surprise box.

Well, it was this surprise that caused my wife to flee the kitchen, leaving the bird unattended in the sink. I was told to deal with it. When I arrived the chicken lay there with one scrawny foot peaking out, as if the chicken was giving birth to an alien. It was a terrifying sight!

I removed both feet, neck and innards, then had an interesting thought. I was busy at the sink, running water, and the two kids were right in the next room watching television. Sherry was still hiding from the chicken feet somewhere.

I’m not saying I ran this next few minutes through a proper “parenting filter”, but I went ahead with the plan anyway. I ran the hot water until there was plenty of steam wafting about. Then I grabbed the chicken feet, one in each hand, and pulled my shirt cuffs down to cover my fists. Then I screamed that the water was too hot. “Jeowww!, I’ve burned my hands. Help me! Help me!” Both kids came running into the kitchen just in time for me to turn around, silhouetted by billowing clouds of steam, reaching out with my hideous claws.

The looks on their faces told me of future years of intense therapy. Widening eyes, screams of fear and empathy, and a sudden awareness of “what was I thinking?”

About johndiestler

Retired community college professor of graphic design, multimedia and photography, and chair of the fine arts and media department.
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5 Responses to The Great Kosher Chicken Prank

  1. Rebecca Cuningham
    fakeflamenco says:

    Sounds pretty funny to me! When we were on an errand when our child was 2, I saw a car where the driver had a dog on their lap. All you could see was the dog’s head out the driver’s side window. I called to the back seat, “Look, a dog is driving that car!” Our child exclaimed in delight, and recounted that story for years.

    • johndiestler – Lafayette, California – Retired community college professor of graphic design, multimedia and photography, and chair of the fine arts and media department.
      johndiestler says:

      I’ve seen the same car and dog…wait, that was me!

      • Rebecca Cuningham
        fakeflamenco says:

        Funny. Our kid loves cars and animals so it was this perfect moment!

      • johndiestler – Lafayette, California – Retired community college professor of graphic design, multimedia and photography, and chair of the fine arts and media department.
        johndiestler says:

        It was exactly these stories that now my grandkids want to hear all about. Good thing that I wrote about some of them.

      • Rebecca Cuningham
        fakeflamenco says:

        I’m sure they find the chicken feet hand story hilarious.

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