“Home is where the heart lies,” supposedly a quote by Edmund Coke from the early 19th century. I take it to mean that emotion helps define home, not architecture.
And over the course of my life, the roof of my home has taken many forms: canvas, ripstop nylon, wood shingles— and for the past 24 years, composite asphalt tile.
I once read a book that devoted an entire chapter to “roofience.” Why a roof What is a roof? What can be expected from the concept of roof? I am old, but not at the end of my life. My roof is old, and it is at the end of its life. Thank you, roof. You’ve mostly kept me dry and comfortable. But now, I need to replace you.
I thought this would be simple. Call a few roofers. Get a few bids. Choose quality over lowball offers. Easy, right? I had no idea what I was about to unleash.
First, there’s the maneuvering through meaning: “Guarantees” on materials (from the manufacturer). “Guarantees” on workmanship (from the installer). Different timelines. Different terms. It used to be tarpaper and tiles. Now it’s underlayment, flashing, architectural composite tiles with fungus control, venting systems, and ridge caps. It takes a full afternoon just to understand the language.
At the end of the day, I just want to know two things: Will I be dry? And how much will it cost? The answer, invariably, is: “It depends.” Do I want a company that guarantees installation for 10 years? Materials for 25? Or 50?
Honestly—I just don’t want any mistakes in the first place. Who wants to live through a botched installation, only to have it “fixed” again and again for decades? Does anything last 50 years in the weather? How would I even know?
Just do the job right. Use good materials. Do it once. But wait— do I want “Johnny on the Truck” roofing? You know, the guy who takes $1,000 down, half the contract on day one, and then disappears? Is that a thing? Apparently, yes. Doesn’t he have a contractor’s license?
Wait—do I need to hire someone else to vet my roofer? When did this become a subcontractor version of Russian roulette? I miss the days when a contract was a handshake, and a fair wage asked for a fair day’s work. I live in a zip code where bids are 30% higher— because the homes have higher value. But a shingle is still a shingle.
And the terminology… it no longer informs. It terrifies. “Guaranteed for 50 years.” “This inferior product only lasts 25.”
My question: Has anyone ever gotten a free roof because their shingles failed in year 46? Has any modern roof been replaced solely due to material defects? I doubt it. I haven’t been the best homeowner. Maintenance isn’t my specialty. My brother says it’s a full-time job— finish one project, and time runs out on the next. Like painting the Golden Gate Bridge— never finished, always starting again. Maybe he’s right.
At this point in my life, I’m trying to simplify. Just pay someone. Let them climb the ladder.
And I’ll take a nap.
A Work Progressing 