(A ponder from last year that I never posted)

A reflection on speech, affection, and understanding God’s love.

1. Love and Language at Home

My wife Sherry taught speech communication for over forty years. Even in retirement, she still teaches the occasional college class. She’s taught public speaking, interpersonal communication, critical thinking, and debate. Naturally, I win very few arguments at home.

Early on, I learned they weren’t really arguments—they were discussions about language. The most important question she taught me to ask was: Are we speaking the same language?

Much of what I’m sharing today is drawn from a teaching Sherry created for a presentation on the Fruit of the Spirit. She’s kind enough to let me borrow it. One of the many benefits of marrying up.

Sherry is my forever valentine. That got me thinking—since I like asking odd questions—Who was St. Valentine’s valentine? If your answer is God, you’re on the right track.

Following that logic: Have you ever given God a valentine? Maybe this is the year.

2. Love and God

In Hebrew, the word for love is Ahavah—not just affection, but action. In the Shema, Israel is told to love God with all their heart, soul, and strength:

Hear, O Israel, the LORD is our God, the LORD is one. You shall love (Ahavah) the LORD your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your might.

—Deuteronomy 6:4–5

In Greek, the word most often used for love is Agape—a sacrificial love that wills the good of the other. Christianity.com defines it as: “a pure, willful, sacrificial love that intentionally desires another’s highest good.”

In other words: Speaking their language. Jesus reaffirms this in the New Testament:

“You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind.

This is the great and foremost commandment.

The second is like it, ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’

Upon these two commandments hang the whole Law and the Prophets.”

—Matthew 22:37–40

3. The Five Love Languages

Dr. Gary Chapman’s book The Five Love Languages teaches that each of us has a primary way we feel loved. He also explains why knowing the love language of others is vital in healthy relationships.

Chapman’s Key Principles:

   •   Love is not just a feeling—it’s something you do.

   •   Everyone has a “love tank.” If it’s empty, we feel unseen, unloved, and disconnected.

   •   If you express love in your language, but not theirs, the message may never be received.

Here’s an example. You love your dog. Let’s be honest—it’s somewhat conditional. Yesterday, he chewed your shoe. Today, he’s a good dog. You decide to show him love, so you grab the leash and take him for a walk. Now imagine that walk:

From my view, I’m training discipline—signaling with the leash, saying “heel.” I take the sidewalk to the coffee shop where I get a treat for the dog and a black coffee for me. Then we go home.

From the dog’s point of view: “He keeps jerking my leash and yelling. I try to look at him so he stops. The sidewalk’s burning my paws, but the grass is soft. That bush smells like my friend Max. We get to a building full of strange smells. He takes away a bitter drink and gives me a stale cracker. I spit it out when he’s not looking. Then we walk back and I sniff everything again. Because I’m a dog. That’s what I do.”

In this walk, only one of us is really being loved. The other is being dragged along. So it is in many human relationships. We think we’re showing love—but it’s in our language, not theirs.

The Five Love Languages (with Biblical Reflections):

1. Words of Affirmation

Proverbs 12:18 – “Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.”

— Compliments, appreciation, encouragement.

2. Quality Time

— Undivided attention, shared presence, listening.

Deuteronomy 6:7 – “Talk of them when you sit in your house and when you walk by the way…”

3. Gifts

— Tangible symbols of thought or effort.

Matthew 26: A woman anoints Jesus with perfume. He calls it a beautiful act.

4. Acts of Service

— Helping, relieving burdens, sacrificial effort.

James 1:27 – “To care for orphans and widows… this is pure religion.”

5. Physical Touch

— The need for human connection.

While the anecdote of the Caliph is apocryphal, we know from modern studies that infants deprived of touch suffer deeply. God demonstrates all five love languages. He gives, speaks, listens, serves, and even touches—through healing, presence, and ultimately, through Christ.

4. Giving God a Valentine

How do we love God in return?

We speak His language—through obedience, through presence, through heartfelt devotion. Not as performance, but as relationship.

“I delight in loyalty rather than sacrifice, and in the knowledge of God rather than burnt offerings.” — Hosea 6:6

“To obey is better than sacrifice.” —1 Samuel 15:22

“The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, You will not despise.” —Psalm 51:17

God so loved us—Ahavah, Agape, Chesed. Maybe this is the year we speak His language. Maybe this is the year we give Him a valentine. For the first time. Or again. Amen.