Right off the bat let me state that I am married. This is meaningful in that I have agreed (many years ago) to live in close proximity to another, with love and understanding. So far there has been much love. Understanding? Well, that’s a work in progress.
I think it is common for couples to agree on the issues of the times. We tend to collect “same minded” folks as our friends, and often we marry our friends. Later on, we discover that general “same mindedness” doesn’t always mean we see the same thing in the same way. (An aside: almost always, my wife and I see the same odd thing while driving in the car, even if it was just briefly.)
This difference has been mostly helpful, almost like a check in our perceptions. “Oh, you didn’t see it that way? Why? Do you know something that would help me to change my perception?” This is so cool when you can actually point out the reasons for the difference. It is not so cool when it is simply a matter of opinion.
“Why did you see it that way? Are you dense? Have you been raised by wolves? Are you naive or just lazy?” Okay, it doesn’t often get to name calling, but the confusion is just as real.
Two different people, are in the final analysis, two different people, and nothing will guarantee that they will be synoptic.
So what are the factors that cause the “different view” between couples? Hmm, possibly life experience, maybe age/maturity, certainly if one person was raised by wolves. Could it also be a male/ female thing?
As an example, I had a friend that was a no-show for an arranged meeting. Nothing on the agenda, just a morning coffee. We don’t have a scheduled time, just now and then. I have forgotten about it in the past, and my friend has also forgotten, no big deal. This time my friend did not show, I came home early. My wife asked why, what happened?
“Nothing happened, he just didn’t show.”
“Did you call or contact him?”
“Hmm, no. Why should I? Most probably he just forgot and that’s fine. If he didn’t forget then something else came up that was more pressing, and that’s fine too. He doesn’t need to explain to me, so I haven’t asked.”
“Well, have you considered a third possibility, that he is in trouble and could use your help. Help that is not coming because you didn’t call?”
Have I been raised by wolves? Why didn’t this occur to me? Is it so odd and improbable? Umm… I dunno! Is it a difference between caring and self reliance?
I have learned much in my thirty-seven years of marriage, but it hasn’t always been natural.
johndiestler on Bushwhackers Hans De Keulenaer on Bushwhackers johndiestler on Frozen Things Kim Sanford on Frozen Things Anonymous on Couples